Reflections
by Ceu Praca
Summary: Musings from Detective Lionel Fusco on the events of his life thus far. Mainly his thoughts on John Reese and Jocelyn Carter. Anyone else thoroughly impressed with his actions in "The Devil's Share?" Rated T for mentions of execution, torture, and body disposal, takes place sometime after Season 3 Episode 10. SPOILERS for "Pilot," "The Crossing," and "Devil's Share."


**A/N:** Another story from the point of view of Detective Lionel Fusco. Wow, that's a shocker. XD This is strongly inspired by Season 3 Episode 10, "The Devils Share." Kind of funny that Lionel was the whole reason it was named "The Devil's Share" in the first place. Long story short; anyone else proud of Fusco? I was cheering for him! Anyway, this story has a _LOT_ of spoilers for both "Pilot" and "The Devil's Share." In other words, if you haven't seen Season 3 Episode 10 yet, please hit the back button, or you're going to have stuff ruined for you. If you have watched it...enjoy. Lionel Fusco is awesome; my favorite character in the whole series. XD You may or may not recognize the quotes in italics from Fusco's "conversation" with Simmons, but I did change a few, minor things.

**Disclaimer:** Unfortunately, I don't own Person of Interest or any of it's characters. You're reading Person of Interrest fanfiction; I'm assuming you already knew that. :P

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_"I_ _got_ _lucky."_

The biggest understatement of my life. What was I, not even three years ago? Oh, yeah. A member of HR. A dirty cop. A bad guy. Someone who lied, cheated, and stole when ordered to, and far worse than that. Killed people, even. Luck doesn't quite describe it.

Lucky? Yeah. Lucky that a crazy vigilante decided that I was worth keeping alive. Lucky that he wanted me to work for him. If it weren't for Wonder Boy, I would've been dead long ago. And Harold? I suppose I'm pretty lucky that he put up with Reese's sudden whim to get me on his payroll. Not that they pay me. But I digress; just the fact that they had me working for them changed a lot. One thing was for sure, I got a heck of a lot better at keeping secrets.

And then there's Carter. On day one, she trusted me. Then she figured out that I was less than trustworthy. Got suspicious about my secretive behavior, sticks me up against the wall and threatens me…then we find out that we're both working for the same guy. Yeah, those were crazy times.

If it weren't for Joss, I don't think I ever would have really gotten my hands clean. Reese wanted to keep me deep in HR. I agreed, for a while, but I hated ever second of it. And Carter figured it out after a while. She figured everything out. She was always really good at that kind of thing.

Now that HR is dead, I'm free. I can't really describe the feeling, knowing that you can walk outside without an evil cop telling you what to do. Freedom is sweet. And bitter. It came at a hard price. Almost lost my son. I _did_ lose Carter. And now Simmons is gone. I wanted to kill him. I wanted to put a bullet through his head so badly.

But, you know, Joss went through so much trouble to end Quinn legally, without death, and he was far worse than Simmons. I guess I'm just trying to be more like her. Solid, rock-steady. By the book. I don't think I can ever be as great of a cop as she was, but…I think I'd like to see. Is it possible? Maybe not. But I'm willing to try.

_"I had a partner."_

Simmons may have taken her away, but there's one thing that he could never take away. The memories. Of what it was like, working with Carter. She had a tendency to boss me around. No surprise there; seemed like everyone wanted to give me orders. But she was definitely different from the other cops. Yeah, she was one of the few clean cops left in the city, but it was more than that.

Even the bad guys respected her. Or feared her. Heck, I was scared of her for a while. She just had a way of staring you down, making you feel like you were just caught with your hand in the cookie jar. When she got that look in her eye, that tone in her voice…she became scarier than Reese.

At least with John, you knew that he was either going to kill you, save your life, or use you. Or a mixture of all three. Carter was…more than that. She could even catch the vigilante off guard. I can't name any other person who could do _that_. He never seemed to get surprised by anything, not even Root, yet a simple comment from Joss could upset his perfect balance.

Ah, I miss those days, back when Carter would intentionally poke at him, trying to get a reaction. I did the same thing, but the only reactions I ever got from John were annoyance or frustration. She somehow had always managed to surprise or confuse him. Wonder Boy, confused. Seems unlikely, but Joss knew how to manage it.

Yeah, I miss my partner. Life'll never be the same without her. I still got Lee, and I still got John and Finch, and yeah, even crazy trigger-happy, but Carter seemed to be the spark of the group, the fire that kept us all going. Hey, at least Simmons is dead now, so we can know that he won't come back to haunt us.

_"They reminded me that I could be good again. That I could be a good friend, a good cop."_

It's funny how many funerals I've performed without ever entering a church or graveyard. I've honestly lost track of how many bodies are in Oyster Bay now. Funny how there was a time when I was on my way to add John's body to that collection. Then the backseat blew up and I found myself on a one-way trip to being a hero.

Weird things seem to happen to me all at the time. The strangest thing that I've ever experienced, though, would have to be when HR captured Reese. And he managed to have the car sitting on its roof before I could even realize what he was doing. Him and that darned I-know-everything-and-there's-nothing-you-can-do-about-it smirk.

Then he asks if I'm wearing my vest and shoots me without explanation. Then he's gone. And I get contacted by him several times, all for things that _would_ have compromised my honesty, were it not for the fact that I was already part of HR. Still, even though he's had me bury a body for him, he did something for me a while back, something I've never forgotten.

He gave me a purpose. I mean, before Wonder Boy came along, I was just a dirty cop trying to make enough money to take care of myself and my kid, trying to make sure that Lee would never find out just what kind of business his dad was involved in. Then Reese blows up the backseat. And I find myself saving lives far more often than I ever did as a cop. And not only did I learn what it meant to be a hero, I also learned something else. The true measure of friendship.

Yeah, John has threatened, conned, and manipulated me, but he's also saved me from certain death more times than I can count. It's funny, when I first met him, I didn't like him one bit, and I was on my way to execute him. Now I can say with complete honesty that I genuinely consider John Reese to be my friend.

_"Carter saved my life. She saved me from myself."_

Oh, how true it was. Painfully true. I was on a downward spiral. Seemed like there was no way out of the pit, so I just kept digging it deeper. Then Joss showed up, and before I knew it, she'd thrown me a rope. A way to climb out. I was bad, and she made me good. She forced me to take a long, hard look at myself, and you know what? I didn't like what I saw.

That night with Simmons, I reached a breaking point. I wanted to kill him so badly, but I didn't. I couldn't. He's dead now, anyway, so it doesn't matter, but…what would have happened if I'd done it? Pulled the trigger? Would have been no different from any other execution I'd done.

But that's the whole problem. I've done executions. I've tortured people. Buried their bodies. What was I turning into? Someone like the bad guys on the streets that cops were supposed to be arresting? Or was I turning into someone like Simmons? The thought scares me. I could have easily ended up like Simmons did, bitter and cold, ruthless, with no pity or remorse.

But Carter pulled me out of it. Seemed like she was yanking me out of the pit with a noose at the time, but she did it. There was a time when Joss was just another potential threat. If she discovered what I'd done, what I was capable of…well, another body to bury in Oyster Bay.

In her typical, hammer-like fashion, though, she got me thinking different thoughts. She didn't talk about Taylor much, and I didn't talk about Lee, but I think the fact that we were both divorced and struggling to raise a kid was something that connected us. Then we found out that we were both working for Wonder Boy, and bingo, that was another connection.

Carter seemed to get ticked off by Reese as much as I did, but unlike me, she actually dared to confront him directly. She wasn't scared of him one bit, not like I was. Joss had more courage than all the men in NYC put together. Yeah, she saved my life. I guess I should thank her by not making a mess of it again.

_"Because they believed in me."_

You know, before Reese came along, I was just the slightly overweight cop who fit the tradition of donuts and coffee perfectly. A good shot with a gun, but somewhat…_lacking_ in physical prowess. The butt of every joke, that was me. So stereotypical that other cops would laugh if I tried to do anything different.

Like actually getting out there on the field and saving lives. I never did that before John. No, I was the one who took lives and buried them. Never mind the other crazy stuff he's had me do, like defusing bombs and stalking his boss, I mean the real work. The live-or-die kind. The shatter-a-guy's-kneecap-so-that-someone-else-can-live kind of work. The going-up-against-the-most-powerful-mob-boss-in-the-city kind of work.

Now, I'm _still_ the butt of every joke. People still think that I'm overweight and useless. Except for a few, certain individuals who know otherwise. Who know full well what I can do. Believe it or not, Simmons was _not_ the first person I've broken the bones in.

I know that Shaw still doesn't like me much; our personalities clash, we rub each other the wrong way, and we argue worse than an old married couple. Honestly, if it weren't for the fact that she saved my boy's life, I still wouldn't like her, either. Still, I know that she believes that I can be counted on as backup, and I appreciate that. True sign of friendship is when someone is willing to turn their back on you and trust that you'll cover their six no matter what.

Finch seems indifferent to most things, but I know full well how much he's helped me, even though I don't see him much. My Imaginary Friend, I guess. The one who makes it all happen. I know full well that, in the beginning, Finch did _not_ like the fact that John had 'hired' me. Reese himself told me so. Still, after a while, I realized that yeah, Glasses did believe in me, believe that I could be helpful for once in my life, if only as an informant.

The dog. Yeah, the dog believes in me too, but mainly as a source of treats and pats on the head. I know I didn't like him much at first, but honestly, Bear is so intelligent that I find myself talking to him. A dog can't reveal secrets, so he makes a good listener.

Carter was the driving force that changed me. She was the one I talked to and saw on a daily basis. I still miss her so much, and I know I'll wake up every morning and miss her, and I also know that she left a legacy behind. I can only try to live up to it. She definitely believed in me, believed that I could be a good father and a good cop.

And John? Well, he must have believed that I was good for _something_, otherwise he never would have let me live that first day. Right from the start, he complimented my loyalty. He still thinks that I can save lives, and you know what? I think I'm starting to believe him.


End file.
